I write to you all on the evening of my 27th birthday, baby fast asleep on my chest, pandora radio playing softly in the background and feeling more content and complete than ever before. I’ve often wondered if angels really do exist and as this little guy rests peacefully next to my heart I am almost certain that they do–how could I have so many wonderful blessings without a little help from the heavens watching and guarding over me?
Motherhood is incredible. It’s incredibly beautiful, incredibly rewarding, incredibly mind blowing and incredibly busy! I’m so sorry I’ve left many of you hanging, anxiously waiting for more pictures and more details on our little one. Thank you so much for your patience and blessings throughout the past week. We’re 11 days into this parenting gig and starting to get the hang of it…starting to.
So here is the story of Mr. Harper’s arrival:
The moment we had been waiting for had finally arrived and it was nothing like I had imagined. There was no waking to labor pains in the middle of the night, no “honey, it’s time”, or embarrassing water breaking while in the middle of aisle 22. The “moment” we had been impatiently waiting for came via a phone call from our midwife.
We had been in to the doctor’s office the previous day for our weekly check up. The doctors had been keeping an extra cautious eye on me since I had some higher blood pressure readings and some slightly off blood work over the final weeks of my pregnancy. Hubby and I were almost certain that these extra precautions were silly and not necessary, contributing the high blood pressure readings to the fact that I hate going to the doctor and the lab work…well I felt fine so everything must be fine.
Apparently not so. When my midwife came into work the following day and reviewed my labs and chart she was shocked to find that my blood work was even lower than the week before. The overseeing doctor has written in bold across my chart “INDUCE IMMEDIATELY”.
Still not convinced that we needed an emergency induction we placed a call to our Dr. auntie and discussed the different lab results and options for inducing. Lucky we have such a smart and patient auntie because she was able to explain why the doctors were reacting the way that they had, took the time to talk over the process of the induction and eased our minds.
With a little better understanding of why the induction was necessary, we made the decision to go ahead and meet our little one immediately. Luckily our midwife was the on call labor doctor at our birthing center and so we rushed around gathering our bags, packing snacks, showering and preparing to meet baby!
Within just a few hours of that phone call we were on the Pali Hwy battling traffic, a crazy storm and a whole stomach of nerves. Walking into the birthing center was absolutely surreal. It was one of those moments were you stop and realize you are really having a “moment”. It hit me as we got closer and closer to those birthing center doors that we were really here, about to have a baby and the next time I walked through those doors I would be holding my baby.
The birthing center was quiet and the nursing staff immediately made me feel at ease. We were one of two women in labor that night and even had the option to choose which room we wanted to deliver in. Castle birthing center is a phenomenal facility and every room is complete with a jacuzzi tub and gorgeous view of the Ko’olau Mountain range. I choose a room with the biggest tub and most floor space as I planned to be doing a lot of moving throughout my labor.
Quickly after arrival I was being hooked up to monitors, IV lines and the dreaded Pitocin drip. The only things that I had read about Pitocin sounded horrible and I was not happy to be bound to all of the monitors, tubes and devices that come with an induction but tried my hardest to focus on the excitement of the night rather than my disappointment that things weren’t as natural as I had hoped.
The first few hours of my labor started out pretty mellow. The storm outside was really building and we turned off the lights, set up our favorite Pandora station and watched the lightening, rain and listened for thunder. Hours passed and my contractions began to build. Nothing too painful, nothing unmanageable but certainly contractions that required my attention and focus to stay in a relaxed and calm place.
I found the birthing ball to be a great way to relieve the pressure in my lower back and it was here that my water broke on it’s own. We were about 6 hours in with the pitocin and it seemed to be working. At this point my body had taken over my labor and the Pitocin wasn’t as necessary. The pitocin drip was turned down and my body was able to proceed at it’s own pace–such a relief for this mama that wanted to do things as natural and with as little intervention as possible.
The rest of the evening (in my mind) flew by. The wonderful thing about my labor was the distortion of time that I experienced. I could not tell you how long I spent in various positions, in the tub, standing, on the birthing ball, on my hands and knees, rocking back and forth…it’s all a blur. What I do remember so vividly is the imagery that I experienced through each contraction.
As a surge would wash over my body I imaged being in the ocean swimming under waves. When you are swimming under waves there is a certain point where you can look up and see the sun sparkling through the water, you know you are close to being able to resurface, untouched by the power of the wave churning above you. Each contraction was like this for me. I would swim down under the wave and watch for that glisten of the sun. I focused my mind on the beauty, the quiet and the serenity I feel in the water and this allowed my body to remain relaxed. Just as in swimming under waves or surfing, if you tense up and fight the power of the ocean you almost always end up taking a beating. Contractions were exactly the same idea.
What I love most about my birthing experience is how familiar the imagery I used was to my life and experiences in the water. I heard hubbies voice inside my head coaching me as he has so many times out in the water. He would tell me to relax, to let go, that I was doing great. He would call out to me, this is a bigger set, don’t panic just swim down and get ready for the next wave. In reality hubby wasn’t saying any of this but I “heard” his voice and it brought such comfort and strength to me.
When a particular “wave” was extra intense or long I would just stay under the water. I remember at one point swimming under a wave and looking up to see white water everywhere. I knew that if I tried to surface at this point I would get washed around and run out of breath so instead I chose to swim down even deeper and look for sea shells (sunrise shells) while I waited for the sun to shine through the wave and signal that it was safe to come up.
Before I knew it someone asked me if I wanted to open the curtains and have the sunshine in the room. This was the first time I realized that I had been in labor all night long and it was now daytime! Time passed, contractions came and went and I was quickly moving towards the time to push and meet my little guy.
Most of my labor I would describe as very “do-able” and then there was transition. Transition is the final phase of your cervix dilating from 7 to 10 centimeter and 10 is when you begin to push. I experienced transition on my hands and knees with a lot of pressure in my lower back. Thank God for one of the nurses who suggested hubby try using counter pressure to help me through this phase. Lucky for hubby we had asked our massage therapist friend (also named Heather) to join us for the labor to help out. The two of them traded off pushing as hard as they could on my lower back during a contraction and this relieved a ton of the pressure I was experiencing. It’s a funny concept…push hard where you’re experiencing discomfort and somehow you start to feel better but I swear this was what saved me during transition. It’s also funny to hear that hubs and Heather were pushing with all their might and I was asking them to double or triple the pressure!
Before I knew it I was at 10 centimeters and the real work began. Who knew pushing the baby out was such a process! I had read so much on the “natural expulsion reflex” that I had kind of convinced myself that the “hard” part of labor would be getting to the pushing phase and the rest would take care of itself. HAH! Ladies, the baby does not just simply arrive on his/her own. You really have to work to get that baby out and work I did. I pushed for about an hour and 45 minutes before the little man arrived.
I know many of you are curious what the pushing part felt like and I’ll just say intense. There is so much pressure going on that the contractions actually fade away into the background. This is partly why the pushing phase lasted so long for me. The sensation of birthing the baby overtook the sensation of contractions for me and the whole nature of “pushing” is to use the contraction. I couldn’t feel the contraction because of the sensation…so it took a while to find my rhythm.
Once I found it Mr. Harper was on his way out! Hubby was great at giving me progress updates, “I can see his head” and showing me how close he really was to having his head out. At one point the nurses told me I could reach down and feel the baby and I was completely floored when I reached down and felt a head full of hair (I’m telling you that heartburn wives tale is true). Once the head was out it was just another push or two before Harper was on my chest and locking eyes with his mommy and daddy.
It was absolutely incredible to “feel” my baby being born. As his head was out I could still feel his legs kicking around inside of me. It is a pretty graphic description but also a very powerful experience for me. Once Harper was out he was immediately placed in my arms and on my chest. He was so alert and literally locked eyes with his daddy, turning his head to the familiar voice and staring at the man he had been listening to for 9 months. What an incredible moment for our little family. He was here, healthy and perfect!
The next few hours unfolded so quickly but are also etched into my mind. Harper was able to stay on my chest until he had finished nursing for the first time. I was amazed at how he just “knew” how to nurse since I was completely clueless. He was such a mellow guy and all the nurses commented on how he felt like an old soul, locking eyes with anyone who came to say hello, piercing right into their souls and hearts. He really is a gentle soul and when he looks at you the world stops.
We were blessed with a perfectly healthy and natural birthing experience, a beautiful and healthy little boy and a mama who was recovering like a champ. We were anxious to leave the hospital since we were all feeling so great and talked our way into a 24 hour discharge.
The days since Harpers birth have flown by and I’m amazed that we are here 11 days later and settling into our new routines. We are so lucky that Harper really is a mellow little guy. He sleeps great and our biggest concerns are whether he is eating enough and gaining enough weight. Breastfeeding has completely kicked my ass but we are still working at it, committed to it and determined to make it work.
Now that we are getting settled I hope to be able to jump on here with more updates and photos throughout the week. Thank you all again for your love and for your sweet comments. We are all so lucky to be surrounded by such love for our little man and family!
