A friend posted this great quote the other day:

“I wish you knew you were in the good old days before you left them”

…and then I found out it wasn’t from some famous poet or scholar but from the final episode of The Office.

Regardless I can’t get over how true it is.

As I sit here late at night strapped to a breast pump, a colicky baby at my side and a sleeping toddler across the room (who screamed his way through our bedtime routine until his eyelids finally gave up the battle) I can’t help but think back to Friday nights from the “good ‘ol days”.

Romantic dinners,fondue by candlelight, soft music, a good movie, a late night of reading in bed, drinks with friends, dancing the night away, staying up late knowing I could sleep in as long as I wanted the next day… Our lives were filled with surf, sun, partying and free time. I knew then that I had it good but I don’t think I realized that I was right there in the thick of the “good ‘ol days”.

And it’s got me thinking…

As chaotic as our days are right now and as hard as things might be I can’t get over how many times random strangers have looked at our family and told us to “enjoy. enjoy. enjoy.” to “savor each moment” and to “count our blessings”. While these days don’t necessarily feel like “good” days I wonder if in 5 years time I’ll look back and remember them differently.

For everyday of diarrhea messes (oh this story is too good to not tell so stay tuned), ovens catching on fire (yes another good one) and night after night of cheeseless torture (dairy free for baby girl) there are just as many moments that are stored up in the bank of “good.”

When Harper tells me his favorite person in the whole wide world is “Baby Hanalei Bug Mohr” or he runs towards me with open arms and buries his head into my chest for the strongest toddler bear hug ever, the sweet smiles and coos that baby girl is beginning to make and the way she locks eyes with me, holds my fingers tight and breathes deep and slow while nursing, best friends becoming mommies alongside me, papas who are beginning to see the rewards of hard work years in the making and a mama whose dream of holding that title have come true…

Yes, certainly these are the good ‘ol days and I’m doing my best to realize each and everyday just how good they are. Right here and right now.

The tone over here at mamasurfs hasn’t been as cheery as usual and to be honest that’s because I’m being honest. We’re having a hard time adjusting to life as a family of four…nothing I think out of the norm just figuring it all out. While I mostly post about the good stuff here I think it’s important to write about all the real stuff that makes up our family and it doesn’t get more real then the story I’m about to tell you:

It was a typical morning in our household. Harper came running into my bedroom, jumped up on the bed and declared “Hanalei wake up time!” I of course was already awake and had been for quite some time nursing the slowest feeding baby on the planet. We all stumbled over the toys that I didn’t have the energy to clean up from the night before (or the night before that) and piled onto the couch for a morning movie. It’s lazy and not the best parenting strategy but morning movie time gives this mama time to finish feeding baby, get breakfast ready and if I’m lucky brush my teeth.

After breakfast the circus began. Harper didn’t want to get dressed. He refused to use the potty. He threw 10,000 puzzle pieces all over the floor and demanded “more water right now”. Hana grew increasingly irritated as the noise level in the house crept louder and louder and began to add her own voice to the morning chaos. With a baby strapped to my chest I awkwardly held a squirming toddler over the toilet as he peed all over the place and then finally decided he was ready to cooperate and get on with our day.

I loaded up the stroller, the diaper bag, beach gear, water bottles, sunscreen, snacks and two kids and finally headed out the door. At 9:45…after being awake since 5:45. Yes that is 4 hours later and all I’d managed to do was feed two kids and get them both dressed.

We walked about 20 minutes which looking back was actually the most peaceful 20 minutes of my day, even if it was through blazing hot sun and crowded streets. We met up with our local playgroup (whose friendship has kept my sanity and helped me laugh at mornings like these) and spent the next few hours playing tourist at one of the hotel pools.

What I thought would be a fun energy burning morning for both us quickly turned into more chaos as Harper decided that rather than playing with his friends he should drown them. There were squabbles over floaty toys, sand shovels, and just general “hey you’re in my area I should pull your hair and make you scream” kind of fires all over the place. At one point I literally had to jump into the pool while nursing Hana and pull Harper off another child (luckily the pool was only 1 1/2 feet deep and the other kid was one of my best friends).

After finally settling down a bit I took a deep breathe and gave myself a little pep talk. Our day was turning around and it could only get better from here on out.

Oh, if only that were true.

Just as soon as I had loaded up a sunned out and hungry little boy and walked just far enough into the city and away from all public restrooms Harper announced very loudly and very urgently:

“mama poop!”

“what? what did you say baby?”

“mama poop now! tummy hurt real bad”

“oh honey it’s ok…you can hold it we’re on our way home now”

“no mommy, no! poooop” (now refusing to sit and holding his bottom)

screams, cries, more “poooop”, me running through Waikiki, stares from everyone we passed by and then…

“mommy harper poop little bit”

I ducked into the closest public bathroom I could find (which is hard to come by in Waikiki) and helped Harper out of the stroller. As I eased his pants down, not quite sure of what I was about to find it was clear that his definition of “poop little bit” could not be trusted. It was not “poop little bit” but more like poop massive amounts of chunky diarrhea running down both legs, in between toes and all over the floor kind of poop.

With the few baby wipes I had remaining I began to clean up the disaster. Harper began to fidget and fuss as I desperately tried to make some sort of progress but with every wipe I made more poo came. He had lost control…tummy sick was right. Tummy sick in his pants, tummy sick on the floor and yup…it just happened…tummy sick in mommy’s hands, on mommy’s arm and oh wait yup he just put his hands in it and then grabbed at my hair to keep his balance. Tummy sick all over the place and it wasn’t slowing down.

I managed to work him onto the toilet where the poo slick caused hims to actually slip backwards hitting his head on the automatic flusher. Now in addition to his cries of pain and poo everywhere there was poo water being splashed back into my face.

This my friends is hands down the ugliest of parenting ugly.

And we survived. We cleaned ourselves (and the restroom) up as best we could, hung our heads low as we excited the building and booked it back to the house for hot showers and a deep scrubbing.

My only saving grace throughout this whole fiasco was the fact that Hana miraculously slept through it all. Can you imagine all of that plus a crying baby? I think it would have put me over the edge for sure….

You win some and you lose some and although this whole experience was absolutely horrible it almost made my day better. In situations like this, that are so out of your control and so over the top bad there are two choices. 1) cry, cry, and cry loudly because it’s terrible and it’s not fair and it’ s SO gross or 2) laugh it off.

So we laughed and we laughed and we laughed. We sang doo doo songs and talked about the “big pile” and the funny noises mommy made (gagging) while she helped Harper and his sick tummy. It somehow in some very strange way bonded us together and was actually the turning point in our day. The rest of the afternoon flew by with ease and laughter and another hot shower (just in case) for mama at the end of the day!

Oh the things we go through as parents…

Do you have any good stories for me? Please share!

You know you’ve found a great photographer and someone you can now call friend when upon her arrival there is a screaming toddler (who was mad that mama went in the elevator without him while he was pooping- -how dare she) and a screeching newborn who couldn’t decide if she wanted to sleep or eat. Without batting an eye Heather of HI Little Bird Photography settled right into our crazy rhythm of chaos and in between the madness she captured some of the more peaceful moments of our daily life.

I love that Heather captures our personalities like this shot of our total goofball and the special bond between boy and his beloved Jellycat:

And the photos of our girl? Swoon…little miss did not sleep a wink during the entire visit which I think is probably a first in newborn photography. Heather had so many challenges while working with a restless toddler, a wide eyed newborn and a tiny apartment with no light. So how did she manage to get such great pictures? It’s magic I tell ya!

Heather- thank you so much for coming all the way down to our tiny home, for your patience and gentleness with my two loves and for your genuine enthusiasm for what you do! We love all of our photos and will cherish them for forever!!!! Just like we will cherish this little love bug…

Contact Heather for information and to schedule your own session! Visit her blog and check out the rest of our morning

You talk to your mom and tell her how excited you are that your baby is finally sleeping through the night- – the next night they wake up 15 times. You brag to your mommy friends about how your toddler is potty trained at 20 months – - that afternoon they pee their pants 3 times in the span of a 20 minute grocery store run (where you decide it’s probably a good idea to stock up on pull ups after all).

I could list 100 different scenarios where the curse of saying it out loud comes to bite you in the ass and so I should have known a curve ball was headed my way after yesterday’s post about settling in.Today kicked my ass and in a mean way.

Up at 5:30 after finally getting back to sleep at 5:00 after a rough all nighter with Hana (who we suspect has a food sensitivity after a sudden onset of all day/night screaming and puking), morning chaos, more projectile spit up, toddler tantrums, burned finger…the whole nine yards. With tears running down my face I finally tossed in the towel and handed Hana off to hubby for 5 minutes of mad packing and dressing Harper to make it out the door by 10:30. Of course once we left our house everything settled down but those first 5 hours…they were a horror of unspeakable measure.

There has been a lot that hasn’t been going right (today in particular) but I am learning a few things that are working and so rather than dwell on the shit that was my day let’s focus on something helpful:

1) PREP!

Taking the extra 10 minutes to prepare for the following day makes life that much easier in the morning. I’ve been prepping the diaper bag with all the essentials: Snacks, Water, Diapers, Change of clothes for all of us, a few new books/toys and bubbles…always bubbles.

2) High Chair Time

Harper is having an extremely hard time getting used to all the nursing breaks I take with Hana. I become fair game for kicks, bites and thrown objects during this “quiet” time and so rather than fend off one attack after another I’ve invented “high chair time”. We had to actually go out and buy a high chair for this to work but so far it has helped. I’ll be putting together a list of fun high chair activities that I’ve been trying out with Harper and will share soon. Easy ones that have worked so far are: Play Doh, coloring, lacing beads, stickers and stamps.

3) Accept Help

For some reason I have a hard time accepting help without thinking it means I’m failing at my job. With 2 kids I’ve learned that help is vital to survival! So take friends up on the offer to run your kid around at the park, welcome grandma and grandpa’s invite to spend the weekend being nurtured at their place and always always accept the invitation to put your feet up and rest.

At 41 weeks and no sign of baby girl’s arrival I decided it was time to try some out of the box induction techniques. We had attempted all the traditional ways of inducing labor: long walks, lots of sex, spicy foods, pressure points, etc…with no such luck.

Figuring I had nothing to loose and everything to gain I quieted myself in a dark room on the evening of March 20th 2013, opened up a bottle of Clary Sage essential oil, diffused the heck out of the place and listened to the Hypnobirthing script titled “Come Out Baby”.

I don’t know if it was coincidence or if there was something about the combination of oils, massage and the guided imagery but 9 hours after my baby seance I woke up in labor.

At first I didn’t realize I was in labor; I actually thought I had an upset stomach from a poor choice of Costco pizza for dinner the night before. I was having tummy cramps…nothing like the surges I remembered from Harper’s labor; even the sensations I felt with him early on.

Not totally convinced this was actual labor I decided to carry on with my morning as usual. I put on a pot of tea, began making breakfast for Harper and quietly breathed through the tummy “cramps”. Realizing these cramps were coming at regular intervals I decided it was time to ask hubby to start timing what I was feeling and see if there was any kind of rhythm to them or if I was just being hopeful with a simple stomach ache.

Sure enough what I was feeling was quite regular and about 2-3 minutes apart.

Still feeling fairly normal but beginning to realize this could be the start to something real I decided to contact my midwife. Once I had put her on standby I decided I was going to take a nice long shower and ready myself for what was sure to be a long day ahead of me.

Not more than 10 minutes after hopping into the shower was I bent over kneeling by the side of the bed desperately trying to dress myself and dialing hubby on the phone over and over (he was only upstairs but I couldn’t get myself off my hands and knees). Things had definitely kicked into gear and I was finally convinced that this was actually labor!

Not knowing what to do or when we should actually head to the hospital I texted my midwife once again. She encouraged us to make our way out to the birthing center to “check things out”. The short drive to the hospital took us along one of Oahu’s most scenic routes and the day could not have been any sunnier or the sea any calmer. We spotted a few whales spouting along the shore and as our car twisted along the coast I relaxed to Harper’s lullaby music, continued to breathe deep and smile with anticipation. My only concerns at this point were that we might be heading to the hospital too soon and I was nervous we would be sent home and have wasted our morning on a false alarm– being 41 weeks everyone was feeling anxious and hopeful and I didn’t want to disappoint.

Pulling up to the birthing center hubby offered to drop me off at the door but I insisted on parking and walking myself in. “Walking is good for encouraging labor…I don’t want to show up and have nothing going on”. That short walk proved to me that there was no labor encouraging necessary. It took several stops and bent over deep breathing to make my way through those double doors and towards my baby girl.

Checking into the birthing center was nothing like I had imagined or expected. With Harper we literally walked straight into the hospital, chose our own room and began our slow induction. This time around I was asked to wait while another woman was checked in ahead of me. A nurse came out to greet us, loaded with a stack of paperwork that I was asked to sign in between surges and a small TV blaring kids cartoons hung in the corner. The room was hot, blazing hot and I curled myself over a lobby chair and tuned out the world waving my hands at the TV gesturing to hubby that it needed to go away and go away fast.

As I huddled waiting for our turn to be “checked in” a wave of emotions swept over me. I told hubby I felt like crying but not from pain, just an overwhelming flood of emotions that I still can’t describe. Just as quickly as the urge to cry came on it was gone and we were finally escorted into our birthing suite. Looking back I think this surge of emotions was how I experienced transition or that final opening phase.

Once in our room hubby immediately helped me undress and began to run a warm bath. The water which has always been my haven lived up to it’s magical powers over my mind and body. As soon as I sunk my body into the liquid cocoon I found my rhythm. I sunk in to my birthing, I went to “that” place and I felt baby girl moving slowly and calmly down and closer to our arms.

Unfortunately my groove was interrupted when the nurse informed us that she hadn’t appropriately “triaged” us to see how far advanced my birthing was. She began to hook up fetal and contraction monitors to me wirelessly so i could remain in the water but the machine was having problems and I needed to get out of the tub and onto the table.

Within minutes of getting out of the tub and laying down on the table I felt a sudden gush– my water had broke and we all quickly realized that baby girl was swimming in meconium (the first poop which can pose a risk to baby if inhaled). Our midwife was quickly on the scene, checked me and told me I was fully dilated. She asked if I was “holding back an urge to push” to which I replied, “no, I’m just relaxing and breathing”. She left the room to scrub up since she was certain I would be delivering soon.

None of us, not even myself realized how “soon” soon would really be. The next surge I turned to hubby and said, “she is coming…like now” and out popped her head! The nurses began flying into our room, our midwife came running back, an alarm was sounding and the very next surge baby girl was crying and placed on my chest.

Because of the meconium I was only able to hold Hana for a brief moment before a pediatric team checked her out. Luckily she was doing great and after a few minutes of clearing her airway and taking her vitals baby girl was placed back in my arms where she stayed for the next few hours.

The morning had unfolded with lightening speed…3 hours from first “cramp” to little miss Hanalei joining our family. With her deep blue eyes, dark brown hair and porcelain skin she has mesmerized us. Her entrance to this world was fast yet peaceful just like her name suggests. My birth was everything I imagined it to be and more. I was surprised by how fast everything unfolded, how comfortable I was throughout the process and how easily I was able to let go, sink in to the process and just birth my girl.

The actual delivery of Hana was more magical and uneventful than I ever could have dreamed…there was no pushing or coaching needed just simple deep breathing, visualization and letting go. Baby girl did everything she needed to do to make her entrance as calm and gentle as she has proven to be over the past few weeks.

Time is scarce these days and we have been through the gauntlet of emotions, hurtles and transitioning a toddler into the role of big brother. I’m hoping to find the time to write more often, it’s important to me to write and process all that is going on in our lives and preserve these moments that seem to be flying by.

Until next time…

Harper’s Birth Story

1 perfectly healthy baby girl, 1 two year old toddler, 1 case of wicked mastitis and 2 weeks late on the announcement but here she is:

Hanalei Nanea Mohr

(hah-nah-lay: peaceful/ graceful) (Nah-neigh-uh: tranquil)

7 lbs. 4 ounces

19 inches even

Birth story coming soon!

I laid out my heart here last night, turned off the light, slept a beautiful and uninterrupted 5 hours and woke up feeling so much better. I think sometimes we just have to meltdown, to write, to unload, cry and lay it all out there (and sleep!) before our minds and our hearts can move on.

I woke up feeling lighter and refreshed. I got my Selah and as an added bonus the sun came out to play and offered up a pretty close to “perfect” day.

Sure there were moments…there will always be moments and I’m guessing more and more and more as our family grows in number and needs. What I’m coming to realize with each passing challenge is just how much all of this is very much how it is supposed to go.

The outpouring of comments, e-mails, phone calls of love and support and “I feel ya’s” and “been there’s” has been overwhelming and given me that added boost of feeling like it’s all ok and it’s all going to be ok. None of us have all the answers, none of us are perfect and that’s why we have each other to lean on, learn from and rely on. I am so lucky to have such an incredible village and it’s becoming more and more apparent just how much I really do need one- – we all do.

Tonight my village and I celebrated a very special occasion, the UN- Birthday of little Miss Hana. Her due date which I fully recognize as her guess date has come and gone and she is still very cozy and warm tucked just under my heart. To mark the passing of 40 weeks of mostly ease, joy and health, we paddled out for a fun family surf. It was incredible and I’m amazed and proud of myself for literally surfing the entire way through this pregnancy. It feels good to still be doing what I love and with the people I love. I caught one wave in particular tonight that just lit me up with the stoke that only surfing can ignite…it was incredible and I wish I could bottle up that feeling and share it with you all.

After fun waves and a warm bath we continued to celebrate our family; the fact that there were just 3 of us around the dinner table tonight, the notion that soon there would be a 4th amongst us. We laughed as Harper declared a mid meal “dance party” as he so often does and watched as he stuffed an entire carrot cupcake into his mouth and then spit it all back out on the table only to repeat the process over and over. Watching him eat is a mixed bag of repulsion and envy for he surely enjoys and experiences his food in a way that we have simply forgotten or are afraid to. Each morsel seems to dance in his mouth, his lips smack together and he moans a quiet sigh of pure satisfaction. It’s primal, it’s honest and it’s all good.

We tucked Harper into bed tonight with papa reading us a story by star light and then quietly sneaking off to finish up some work. I stayed with Harper until he drifted off, humming lullabies, playing with his hair, patting his back. It felt good, it felt like the close to a day that I have been longing for and was so desperate to share before things change…because they are changing…any day now…

I write for myself tonight which means I should probably not push publish at the end of this heart pour…

I promised to keep this space as much of a true reflection of the joys and struggles of our life and so I’m going to go ahead and put it all out there. Please be kind in your judgement as this is straight from the heart, uncensored, unedited (excuse the grammar as it is midnight and tears blur the keyboard). This is mommy unload at it’s finest.

Today was rough. Rough doesn’t actually even begin to tip the ice burg of what I’m feeling but there is sooooo much going on in my head and my heart that rough is the only way I can sum it all up.

Tomorrow is Hana’s due date and on one hand I am so anxious to meet her and start our journey as a family of 4 yet at the same time I am feeling unusually patient and at peace with her coming on her own time. I truly believe and trust that baby girl will come when she is ready and it will be the perfect time for all of us. With that being said In the back of my mind I do have a tiny ounce of fear that she just won’t come…that she will need some sort of nudge and I just really don’t want any kind of intervention/induction and pray and hope it doesn’t come to that. I also really don’t want to push out a 10lb baby…but know that I could, can and will.

For each passing day that Hana decides to stay warm and cozy I have awoken with a hopefulness and excitement. I’m excited that I get one more day with my only child and I I keep hoping for the perfect “last day” with him. As the days have ticked by I’ve come to realize that for one reason or another it just isn’t going to happen.

For starters I fully realize that the expectation of “perfect” is completely ridiculous. While I have a pretty damn good life and am blessed beyond measure the word “perfect” rarely reflects reality. Rather than “perfect” I’ve been longing for a day that I can say I’ve really enjoyed him and our time together, for a day that my heart feels settled and at peace knowing that he knows and feels how much I love him. It rips my heart open because honestly these past few days I just haven’t felt much or any of that and I go to bed at night feeling frustrated with him, the events of our day and how I’m feeling. I look back over the day and feel more ashamed of the things that went wrong than content with all that went right.

To say that he has been a challenge is a vast understatement. I know that there is a lot going on in his world; in the world of a curious 2 year old, in the world of a 2 year old expecting a baby sister any day, in the world of a 2 year old whose papa is incredibly bombarded with work a mama that is 40 weeks pregnant and in the world of a 2 year old who also happens to have come down with a nasty cold. Despite every attempt to keep things “normal”, light and fun for the both of us, things just haven’t been running smoothly- – change is in the air.Tempers have been flaring left and right over the smallest of things, meltdowns are almost comical in some situations and straight up “I want to strangle you” during others.

Harper has always been more on the aggressive side; whether it be out of excitement, overstimulation, hunger, tiredness, frustration… and lately things have just been out of control. It makes me so sad and so frustrated to feel like the sweet, loving, funny boy that I love so much is acting so angry and hurtful towards me, his friends and himself.

He kicks, he hits, he bites, he pinches, pushes and he declares “I’m mad”. He runs around hitting things, throwing things and a new and exciting behavior to add to the list…spitting and spraying water and half chewed up food all over the house, car and across the table at dinner time- – if you’re really lucky straight into your face.

It’s exhausting and our outings that are supposed to be fun and an opportunity for both of us to socialize and hang with friends turn into me dive bombing in front of him to block a push or a hit (and dive bombing when you are full term pregnant is just not fun).

I go back and forth debating whether bringing him out and around friends is the right thing. It isn’t fair to his friends and to the other moms to constantly have Harper lunging out whether its because he is excited and wants to give a hug (which turns into a headlock and tackle) or because someone touched his toy. On the other hand I feel like the only way he will learn to control his feelings whether good or bad is with practice and guidance and opportunities. I try to be fully present with him without hovering but most of time I am hovering because there isn’t a single moment where things can and won’t turn from good to bad. I wonder if taking him out if fair to him, he is constantly being corrected, removed from situations and I would imagine feels like he is “bad” or in trouble….neither of which is true or my goal.

We do EVERYTHING you are supposed to do and I am SUPPOSED to know what to do (as hubby points out at the peak of my motherly confidence-read sarcasm). I feel like a failure because I don’t know what to do and what I think we are supposed to do just isn’t working. I feel completely drained of ideas, of patience and honestly of love at times. I feel resentful that he is acting the way he is, I’m angry and I blame myself because there must be something I am doing wrong, or not giving him that is causing him to act the way he is or remain stuck in this phase.

I try to remind myself that it is a phase and I know that almost all kids go through some period of frustration and acting out their emotions but I also feel like we’ve always been in some sort of “rough behavior” phase and there just doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

I”m nervous that for as on top of preventing these incidences with friends or outbursts as I try to be, or for how much energy and time I spend working with him and talking about feelings and trying to model healthy expression of feelings, that when Hana comes I won’t be able to give him this level of attention and devotion. If things are already hard and not working what is going to happen when he doesn’t have my full attention, when he might feel neglected or even more frustrated or…or…

I have so many questions and uncertainties about what to do with him, how to teach him, how to show him how much I love him and also how to deal with my own anger and frustration that arises from his trying behavior. I never realized how protective I am of my own body when someone is acting aggressive towards me and in these moments I don’t see him as a 2 year old but as a threat and someone that is hurting me…because he is hurting me.

It seems silly to say because he is 2 and I am his mother but when he hits it hurts, when he bites I bleed and it seems like something that you should be able to anticipate or block but there are so many times that it literally comes out of nowhere and I am blindsided. It tears me in half to feel hesitant when he asks for a hug or to sit in my lap because I don’t know if it is going to turn into something that hurts me. I hate the way that I respond sometimes to his aggression and I know that my outbursts of hurt and anger aren’t helpful or good models but I also can’t respond perfectly 100% of the time. I beat myself up but then I also cut myself slack because I am human…it’s this constant back and forth of feeling prepared to handle things, handling them in a less than perfect way, being on top of it, being caught off guard…it’s draining and tonight I”m just left with a really stuck and sunken feeling.

For everything that I am frustrated over there are also so so so many things that I am thankful for. He isn’t a monster althoug I’ve certainly painted him that way in the above descriptions. Although there are many many moments in our current life that I wish we could skip over there are also those special times that I just want to freeze and hold onto. I am so lucky to have a boy who feels so much, he lives his life true to his emotions and they are passionate regardless of which direction they are carrying him. His sense of humor is what carries me throughout the day and he is so gosh darn handsome (even if everyone calls him a girl). His creativity and the way he looks at and thinks about the world and tells me about the world in which he understands and lives is beautiful.

For every moment that I wish I could run away from the frustrations and the responsibilities that I’ve felt overwhelmed by I also can’t imagine being anywhere else, doing anything more incredible or rewarding or important. Being a mom is challenging and I feel a lot of the time lately that I’m not pulling off my “job” very well. I’m worried that I’m letting Harper down, that I’m letting Ryan down and I feel like I am letting myself down. I always imagined that I would be a great mom, that I would fill the role effortlessly, that I was made for this, to be the mom that was prepared and knew what to do and had patience and love overflowing…now I wonder if I’m really cut out for this and shit…I’m about to have another.

I also know that every mom at one point or another feels all of this. I’m full of contradictions because for everything negative I feel about our days, or myself or whatever it may be I also have feelings of strength and happiness and like it is all “normal” and “healthy” and a part of what this gig and ride is all about….

I have the word “Selah” tattooed on my foot and lately it has been the reminder that holds me together. It’s meaning can’t really be summed up easily because there are so many different interpretations of the word but for me it means to pause, to reflect, to take a deep breath to Selah…or enjoy a breath of fresh air. It’s kind of like a giant sigh to me and dropping my shoulders tonight and through this post has felt good. I’ve been needing a lot of Selah lately and I’m so glad that some 10 years ago I took the plunge and had it permanently inked on my body. Who knew back then that I would be looking past a fully pregnant belly, tears in my eyes through spoonfuls of melted ice cream and be confided by such an idea…Selah my friends and wish me luck.

Time is ticking and soon we will be welcoming a little mermaid to the family!

We are finally feeling prepared- – major construction projects have wrapped up, our home is mostly in order, mama and baby are doing great, Harper is beyond stoked and ready to be a big brother and our bags are packed. Poor papa is swamped with work and pulling all nighters…exhausted beyond belief which naturally means she will probably come at any minute. No rest for the wicked as he would say.

Many of you have asked how I’ve prepared for labor this time around and how we plan on handling the transition from 1 baby to 2 and so I’ve put together a sort of to-do list that kind of explains our thinking and preparation. I hope it helps you in your own family planning or at least gives you some ideas to look into

1. Choose whether you want a hospital birth, birthing center or home birth experience.

With Harper I choose a birthing center which tends to be a little more on the natural side of things. Typically a birthing center will have individual rooms that you labor and recover in which include birthing tubs, balls, stools, etc… to facilitate a more “home” like approach. The nice thing about a birthing center is they are also equipped to handle any issues that may arise including epidurals or complications that might require emergency C-section, etc…

You can read about my birth experience with Harper here.

This time around we are very fortunate that baby and I have had zero complications. We are very excited to be birthing in the same facility…maybe even the same room?! I loved our experience with the birth center and the nurses and midwives and SO look forward to welcoming Hana in this environment. Plus they gave me Haagan daz ice cream bar almost immediately after my labor…I mean seriously? A perfect squishy newborn and ice cream? How could I not go back?

2. Choose a care provider that you love and that is open to your style of birthing.

Nothing irritates me more than hearing mamas complain about their doctor/midwife/OB…if you’re already not a fan of them imagine how you’re going to feel when you are actually in labor. AND if you already feel like they aren’t 100% on board with your dream birth you most certainly aren’t going to feel any more confident about it when you’re going through it and most likely not able to communicate what it is you want/don’t want. I could hardly speak during my labor I was in such a zone and luckily I a) choose a provider who was on board with my birth plan and b) hubby was able to communicate my wants for me.

Most of us do endless research before making a big purchase or life decision…your birth experience is probably going to be one if not the single most defining “moment” of your life time. I suggest you do your research and feel confident in your care provider. Don’t leave your experience up to chance if you desire to have a positive birth experience and don’t feel like it’s too late to switch doctors or ask questions. You are in charge of your birth…knowing this and practicing this is what is going to help you get that experience you want and deserve for you and your baby so start with your provider.

3. Practice relaxation daily.

This was so easy my first pregnancy. I set aside at least 20 minutes each day to just relax, meditate, connect with my baby and breath. This time around I have to make a point to stop, sit down and just be. This daily ritual is so important to not only facilitate that bond with baby but to also listen to your body. Getting into a rhythm with your breath and your thoughts throughout your pregnancy will make it that much easier to go into your “zone” when you’re going through the birthing process.

I’m a huge fan of the hypnobirthing method (see my next tip) and love the positive daily affirmations. Listening to these throughout my pregnancy gave me a confidence and belief in my body, my baby and the birthing practice that I was able to rely on during my birth. Granted some of the hypnobirthing stuff was a little too hippie dippy for me but with anything you take what works for you and sometimes you never know what is going to work until you’re in the moment.

I was too cheap to shell out the money for the actual hypnobirthing classes or home study kit but these options do exist for those that want a deeper training and understanding of the method. For me the book, my own twist and some free downloads online did the trick.

4. Education yourself on the many different birthing styles/practices and practice!

For me it’s hypnobirthing. I read Marie Mongan’s Hypnobirthing book and have been able to take away not only a great understanding of how the birthing process works but also how to work with my body through relaxation and breathing to facilitate a more gentle, peaceful and ultimately more comfortable birth. I didn’t JUST read the Hypnobirthing book though…I read and still am reading EVERYTHING I can get my hands on. Again, you never know what is going to work for you when you’re in the moment and I believe reading and opening yourself up to the many different philosophies, schools, styles, partner work, etc… can only help you have the experience you desire. I’ve learned something from every book, video, friend, etc…that I’ve encountered and believe that the more you know the better off you’ll be. Don’t stop learning…in general and about labor and birth!

5. Essential Oils

I didn’t really look into the benefits of using essential oils for birthing and postpartum care when I was pregnant with Harper but this time around I’m really into it. I’ve assembled my arsenal of E.O’s and have put together a birthing “kit” for use during labor which includes:

Lavender- Used to calm and create a peaceful atmosphere. You can diffuse it in the room, spray it on linens, mist over your body, rub onto the soles of your feet, and use for massage. This is also a great E.O. for once baby has arrived to continue that calm and peaceful environment and can even be used to heal bruising that baby may have from the birth.

Peppermint- Great for nausea (especially during transition), to focus and re-energize during a long labor and also for back labor. You can use this in a massage oil, directly on the lower back or along the spine, to smell on a cotton ball, and even to reduce fever.

Frankincense- Not just for Jesus but you’ll feel just as divine once you’ve shelled out the money for this magical E.O. Again, Frankincense can be used for it’s calming affects and also for labor pains by rubbing directly on the belly or lower back. If you get a high quality oil from a company like DoTerra you can ingest frankincense directly during and after birth which will continue to calm your system, heal and boost your immunity. This oil can also be applied directly to any vaginal tears or wounds of any type and can also be applied to baby on the forehead and soles of the feet after birth.

Finally, Clary Sage is going into my kit as a back up. This E.O. can be used to induce labor and speed up a slowed or stalled labor. You use this one by rubbing on the belly, pressure points on the ankles or even to ingest (again if it is of high quality). I don’t plan on using this oil unless there is a need for some sort of intervention like Pitocin… then of course I will try it and wish I had known about it last time around rather than being fully induced through artificial chemicals! Blah!

*I’m not an E.O. expert but I have some bad ass midwife support who have guided me and helped me choose this specific selection. I’m really looking forward to experimenting with these oils throughout my labor and for postpartum healing. For my carrier/massage oils I choose an Organic Sesame Oil.

6. Placenta Encapsulation

Again, this is something I didn’t know about or do with Harper’s birth but I”m really looking forward to (as much as one can look forward to ingesting their placenta!). I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous not to mention disgusting but it has been a practice in many cultures around the world for centuries (just like that Frankincense for Jesus!). According to research the benefits of placenta encapsulation are balanced hormones which reduce the risk of postpartum depression or the “baby blues”, enhanced milk supply and increased energy. I figure what the hell…it’s worth a try and I know several women who SWEAR by this practice. I’ll let you know how it goes and answer your burning question of what the heck is it going to taste like? Don’t worry it isn’t like frying up a big piece of steak! The placenta is cleaned, dehydrated, ground up and mixed in with a bunch of other beneficial herbs and then encapsulated into a daily vitamin so it should be fairly tasteless.

7. Line up a good lactation consultant

If you’ve been reading the blog for a while you know that I had the WORST experience breastfeeding Harper. I was lucky to find a miracle boob guru who performs traditional Japanese breast massage and have had her support throughout my year of nursing Harper, through the weaning phase and periodically throughout my current pregnancy to keep an eye on how things are “shaping up” (more like drooping down….). I am so blessed to have not only her amazing support in the breastfeeding arena but she has also been a midwife for ages so I basically feel like I have two great midwifes and sources for breastfeeding support.

If you’re a first time mama and plan or hope to breastfeed take my advice and find a local support source NOW…before your baby comes! Pick up a book on breastfeeding, watch youtube videos of latching, positioning and take a class if your hospital offers one.

Be prepared and read my other tips that I wrote on breast feeding:

Breastfeeding Basics

Breastfeeding Basics Part 2

Breastfeeding Basics Part 3

Breastfeeding Basics Part 4

Breastfeeding Basics Part 5

Breastfeeding Basics Part 6

Possible Tax Deduction

8. Prepare older siblings

We’ve done our best to prepare big brother for the BIG change that is about to occur in all our lives by keeping an open dialogue about baby, exposing him to little babies, including him in doctor visits, daily care (we take our vitamins together, he rubs oil on my belly, etc…), helping him to bond with her through touch, talking to my belly, shopping for her blankets/clothes, setting up her crib, leaving out her toys/books for him to explore, allowing him to play baby with her things, etc… We’ll see how it all actually goes down once she gets here but I feel like we’ve done as best a job as we can at this point.

We’ve also prepared a big brother gift from baby that we will give to Harper when he meets his sister for the first time. For his big brother gift we choose an awesome Big Bro t-shirt that he can proudly wear (and you know he will rock it), a large floor puzzle (one of this favorite activities and something we can do while resting at home in those first few weeks) a pretend Melissa and Dough Cookie Set (which he also loves to pretend play and will add to quiet fun at home) and finally a bubble gun which free’s up mamas hands and allows him endless bubble fun (which is always a big hit when things are headed towards disaster).

9. Pack your bags and prepare the house

Packing the bags was a little more involved this time around. Instead of packing 1 bag like last time I found myself packing 5 different bags (plus Harper’s gift!) for our upcoming trip…funny thing is we only stayed in the hospital less than 24 hours last time and I never touched a thing in my bag but for some reason I feel the need to pack!pack!pack! everything in the house just in case this time around. Call it nesting or over preparing or whatever you want but I have packed:

Mama’s Bag- Sleep clothes, coming home clothes, nursing tank, lanolin cream, bathroom essentials

Labor Bag- E.O. kit, massage oils, music, massager, birth plan

Hubby’s Bag- Swim trunks, change of clothes, blanket, snacks, camera, laptop, cell phone chargers

Harper’s Bag- Everything he needs for a weekend away including a rough sketch of our daily routine, meal times etc… and favorite snacks

Hana’s Bag- Swaddle blankets, favorite baby carrier (and my favorite/most comfortable thing to nurse in), Seventh Generation Diapers and wipes, pajamas, coming home outfit

10. Line up some postpartum support and good healthy meals

I am blessed to have an incredible sister in law who is not only the sweetest and most caring individual but also happens to be an Ayurvedic practitioner (if you are in the Bay Area you need to check her out as she specializes in women’s care).

Through her generosity I have loved and devoured two great books about postpartum care or “mothering the mother” which includes tips for daily oil massages, dietary recommendations, routine suggestions and basic newborn tips and care. I highly recommend checking out Touching Heaven Tonic Postpartum Care from Ayurveda and Touching Heaven Recipes which you can download in PDF form…again the more info and ideas you have the better.

We are also incredibly blessed to have a huge network of friends to support us and bring some healthy home cooked meals during the first week home. Our local playgroup which has about 15! expecting mamas has decided to use mealbaby.com to organize and schedule meal deliveries. You can set up an account with mealbaby.com and invite friends/family to support you in this way in lieu of a shower gift or just out of their good loving nature.

AND that completes what I think would be my top 10 things to prepare for baby list! What am I forgetting? Would you add or do differently?

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I’m adding a few more to this list that as I laid in bed after posting I realized were pretty significant things in my opinion that we’ve done to prepare for baby.

11. Diet, Vitamins and other nutrition stuff

I would love to say that I have a great diet but the truth is we eat like crap. Not crap all the time but a lot of the time. When I was pregnant with Harper I tried so hard to eat only organic and as fresh as possible and I *almost cut out sweets completely. Poor Hana has been growing on Costco pizza and brownies. Oh to be the second child…

I’m being a little hard on myself here because I do meet basic “health” goals each day like drinking a minimum amount of water (your weight in half= how many ounces approximately you should drink a day), I eat my fruits and veggies, I try to eat as balanced meals as possible and I have tried to cut out a lot of the sweets but overall I feel like my diet has been my weaker point throughout this whole second pregnancy.

Positive things I’ve done are: the typical prenatal vitamin as well as Jarro EPS probiotics and Femdophilus probiotics. I should note that I have Group B positive during my first pregnancy which meant being hooked up to an antibiotic IV during my labor and after some research and consulting with once again my amazing sister-in-law it was suggested that Group B can be possibly linked to gut health. I boosted my probiotic intake, cut back on the sugars and carbs and ate a lot of vegetables that I hate like artichokes and brussel sprouts (all the gross really fibrous ones). I recently had the Group B screening and it came back NEGATIVE! Could my change in diet and probiotic regime have made a difference? I think so!!!

During these final weeks I’ve also added in 6 fresh dates to my diet after reading this study which suggests dates may facilitate an easier and shorter labor! Granted the study is fairly small but after doing some additional research it seems like the consumption of dates during the tail end of labor is something many cultures have practiced and encouraged. I figure it can’t hurt and it has the chance to help so I’m popping them dates like crazy. So crazy in fact that I pretty much HATE them now and am having to either blend them up in a morning smoothie or chop them up tiny and cook into my oatmeal so that I don’t “see” them!

12. Stay Active

I’m so proud and feel so blessed to have had such a healthy pregnancy that I’ve been able to stay as active (if not more) than I was pre-pregnancy. I’m just shy of 39 weeks pregnant and spent the morning jogging along the beach, paddling across Waikiki and surfing for two hours! Granted my “jogging” is a very very slow jog and my “surfing” is an ankle sized wave caught on my knees but I’m still out there. I’ve also been working out with Baby Boot Camp Honolulu as often as I can and love the workout and the friendships I built! I believe that staying active not only keeps you healthy and happy but helps during labor and so I’m out there as often as I can!